A Short Editorial On My Wretchedness

Why do I constantly tell God that I'm giving Him control of my life and then I take it back? I'm constantly reminded by God that I can do nothing and am nothing without Him. I am still beside myself at the concept of the fact that He sent His only Son as a ransom for my sinfulness. I sooooooo do not deserve to be in paradise for eternity, but actually fully deserve to spend forever separated from God, in the pit of despair that is Hell. I find I am repeatedly humbled by God's love for me, especially given my proclivity to repeatedly sinning.